I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
