one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
