That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
she was so not down for the gang bang
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
