Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
