Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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