New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
