That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Don't make out with my wife yet
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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