It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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