oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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