The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
