Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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