Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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