Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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