Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize