I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
