She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
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There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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