He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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