What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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