just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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