So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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