she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
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the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
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She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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