So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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