Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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