so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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