If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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