"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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