Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
