I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
