I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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