I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
