i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
