I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
