Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
