The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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