i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize