Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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