That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
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i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
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To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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