I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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