If i come over, it means nothing
wanna go halves on a baby?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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