I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
