You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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