i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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