she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
