i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
false alarm. still invincible.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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