O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
