the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
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I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
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Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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