Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
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The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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