people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
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Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
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I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
When are your genitals available?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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