Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
