somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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