i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
