I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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