Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
