One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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