i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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