mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
