remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
