So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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