at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
