One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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